Where's my head at? at? at?

I’m feeling…a lot right now.

And I’m trying to get some of that out instead of making a bee line for the bowl.

I’m so.fucking.frustrated.  I feel like I can’t do anything because…ohh, how will that affect Z’s feelings if he knows I’m friends with that person/doing this thing/etc.

I feel like he’s still controlling my life.

Because I’m like 98% sure his sudden change to the plan today was because I changed my FB status to “single.”  

(side note: Why is that ppl can “like” my changing to “single?”  I guess it makes sense in FB logic, but in reality it just lets creepers from my elem/middle school that had crushes to come out of the woodwork. [except Chuckisimo])

Kinda like when we broke up the first time…and he called angry, demanding to know why I’d do such a thing.  Uhh, because YOU said we were over. Well, idk, i didn’t mean it like thaaat.

So I changed it to “it’s complicated,” and it has been that way for the past…year and a half.  And when his friends ask when we’d make it “FB official,” we’d offer blank stares and say ohh yea, we’re rarely on…guess we just forgot to change it *awkward chuckle* NEXT TOPIC!

He has been so snide, so mercurial, so caustic, showing that vindictiveness that became suuuch a turn-off …but I’m the selfish, awful person.  You aren’t the first person in the world to go through a breakup! 

I don’t think I’m emotionless for putting up a steely front…I’m just dealing with reality how it is and not how I imagine it being.

I feel I must interject here you’re getting carried away feeling sorry for yourself
With these revisions and gaps in history